20 years and counting

Twenty years of marriage!!! Twenty years of learning how to love better and fight harder in the best possible scenario. There is something truly amazing about having a covenant that takes precedence over personal wants and needs; a value that keeps you trying long after it is fun or logical only to break through into deeper levels of fun and fulfillment. It is unbelievable to have someone with whom you have shared your highest highs and lowest lows and they stick around. We have fought side by side through dark corridors and held each other through heart rending sorrow. We have laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Tracy, you have been a safe place for me to be undone and redone and to make great exploits and I thank God for your character and kindness every day. I am thankful for you in the good times and still mind-blown that you have been up for adventure after adventure over these 20 years. I am in awe of your ability to release what He has done for what He is doing over and over again. I am humbled by your ability to let go of grief and malice and self justification over what has been stolen in order to take ahold of the good gift that is being offered. Your ability to trust Christ no matter what it looks like is magnificent and makes you more beautiful than even your face makes you. I further love your willingness and ability to welcome people into our family on an ongoing basis and treat them like our own for as long as they want or need us.

You have given me so much and you are truly my better 3/4. When I long for children, I long for your children. When I desire a home, I desire a home with you. When I think of travelling it is with you. I can't imagine doing this with anyone else. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Til death... The old vows didn't make sense to me then. They do now. I do.

Update le first

A brief update from Ozland. As my semester break draws to a close I wanted to give an update to those that are interested. I remain so thankful for all of the support that we have received in the pursuit of this adventure and realize that those who support us may be interested in how things are going. The move and first semester, though a huge blessing have not come without significant challenges. The challenges that we predicted have been mostly manageable but those that were unforeseen have been making things… interesting. Our health and cultural frictions have added complications to an already stressful situation.

Both Tracy and I have been dealing with a variety of health issues. Some of these have been ongoing but in the past we have been able to cope with them in ways that are not feasible in our current context. We are both navigating our way through a medical system that even many Australians don’t seem to understand but we remain hopeful as every test performed offers the hope of some sort of intervention for our respective illnesses. Tracy has received a handful of diagnoses for which she is undergoing ongoing treatment whereas I have the opposite frustration where so far my symptoms have been unexplainable.

The culture shock of moving here is much greater than I foresaw. Between Australian culture, city culture, medical school culture and tourist culture we have felt bombarded and somewhat overwhelmed by the stream of novelty. This has been compounded by feeling cut off from the supports of home while also feeling like we don’t have the personal resources to reach out to our friends and family. I have found a small group of Canadian international students that I can commiserate with on occasion but I also don't want to insulate myself from integrating into our home for the next 4 years.

All of the cumulative stresses have exposed character flaws in me that have remained latent throughout my lifetime (though I’m sure many of you have seen them before). I have been shocked by how significant the role of emotion has been in this journey. I am feeling things, mostly insecurities, that I have not felt since High School and then further feeling the shame of having those insecurities exposed. I have been undergoing weekly inner healing sessions whether I want to or not and feel like I am having to relearn lessons that I long since thought I had mastered. Those He loves He disciplines...

We have both been functioning right at our margin and definitely been in survival mode. We were able to find a better balance at the end if the semester and have recovered over the break so hopefully we can be more functional moving forward. Tracy has an appointment with an infectious disease doc today and I have a referral to an endocrinologist for next week so hopefully we can get on top of health stuff too. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to connect. 

Despite these challenges, my first semester has been amazing!! I have learned so much that is new and I’ve had the opportunity to experience so many mind boggling things. My weeks mostly consist of: 4 hours of working a case study from presentation to diagnosis with a dozen peers focused on whatever system we are learning about, 2 hours learning how to conduct an interview to differentially diagnose and a variety of physical examination techniques, 12 hours in lectures, an average of 4 hours in some practical setting (dissection, histology, pathology) and then preparation and revision of all of the above.

With my current limits on time and energy I wondered if twitter (@Tubbyand) and instagram (tubby and) might be an effective way of sharing my experience so I thought I would begin posting more. Baby steps. 

Thank you all for continuing to support us as we continue on this adventure and hopefully we will be able to be more effective at communicating our journey. I look forward to hearing about your adventures as well… over summer break after year 1.

I'll finish with an quote that encouraged me that the pastor shared in his sermon on Sunday from Teddy Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”